Life and Scrapping

December Daily day 1...

December 2009 is here, and i've already finished a few December Daily pages! Here's page one...

 

As mentioned in my journaling (I used one of Ali's December templates from Designer Digitals): we celebrate Sinterklaas first, so that will show a bit in my first pages instead of  Christmas stuff!

And this is the back side...

Again with a December template from Designer Digitals, designed by Ali! They give just that something extra to your pages, if you've figured out how to work with them, that is!

Page two is already done and three is in the make! But i'll show those later, it's to dark to make a good picture!

Oh, and for those of you who want to know how i got through this last week, here's a little update... the first few days after the chemo were not good!!!! Man, i was super sick, even with all the medication they gave me! It was so bad that Gerard didn't want to leave me alone on Friday, took the day off and called the hospital!They changed my meds immediately and that seemed to help. The day after i was able to keep some food down, and on Sunday i was able to smile again and had an almost sick free day! I was even able to visit my dear friend Mari (who lives literally around the corner) and we had a nice (and very light)  meal together! But i kept feeling very 'toxic' for days!

I'm feeling a lot better now! I'm only on pain medication now (still need that a bit because i'm not completely recovered from the surgery) and i'm moving around much and much better! I can make little trips on my bike again to town, and i'm trying to get back in my normal routine! It's still challenging, because my chest muscles are not healed yet. But i keep on trying, and hopefully in these next two weeks things get better by the day!

Have a great weekend!

Charms and numbers...

What a strange day i had today... the day of my first chemo! It's kind of weird to get medicine pumped into your bloodstream that probably makes you sick, but will make you better in the long run!

And wearing a cold cap (to prevent my hair from falling out) made it even more weird! Want to see what that looked like?

Well, looks a bit like i prepared myself for a sky trip or something, doesn't it? And it was cold too (had a few lumps of ice in my hair when it was done!), so that fitted the picture! But not that cold that i couldn't bare it, so no worries there!

And did you see my charm dolls? Stach bought me that white little bear a few weeks ago after the surgery (now how sweet was that?) and the other one is a gift from my dear friends Mari and Annette, that they bought especially for this day! See girls, i did take it with me to the hospital!

Well, i planned to work a bit on my album this evening, but unfortunately i'm a bit sick right now! And i don't want my album in the same place as where i might throw up again, so that has to wait... but that gives me time to think some more about the numbers (free Advent spool end numbers by Cathe Holden of justsomethingimade.com)...

i have them at the ready, but i'm not sure if it's wise to glue them down yet! You know, we celebrate Sinterklaas here in the Netherlands on December 5th, so that makes the beginning of my album a bit though... i don't like Sinterklaas pictures on Christmas paper, so i've got to figure out how to combine those two! 

Well, hopefully a good night sleep helps (if i can manage that tonight) and if i'm lucky i'll have a better and sick free day tomorrow!

December daily album...

It's nice and cozy here in my studio at the moment... raindrops are ticking against my window, some burning candles on my desk, Gerard just brought me a nice cup of herbal tea (oke, with some pain medication... now that's not really fitting the all cozy picture, but hey, who cares!), Nathalie Cole's playing on the stereo and my desk is covered with Christmas papers...

And i'm very happy with all of this...

1. because this means that i'm already working on the inner pages of my December Daily album, and 2. instead of being creative up here i could be sitting like a scared little bird on my couch downstairs, only able to think about the chemo therapy that's  starting tomorrow!!! So the upstairs being creative version is much much better, don't you agree?

Anyway, i promised to show you the album, so here we go...

It's a DIY project again, and because my very pour condition i was not able to buy all the stuff i really wanted... so i had to make it work with materials at hand... the cover started with a left over piece of groove paperboard.

Then i covered it with cream colored fabric...

 

And put another layer down to give it some softness, and then the final piece, that i decorated with lots of ribbon...

I'll show you the inner pages soon, if my body doesn't let me down, that is... i'm really not sure what to expect for the next few weeks (i heard a lot of stories about people reacting very bad or very good on their chemo treatment), but i hope my internist was right and that i won't be super sick... keep your fingers crossed for me, oke?

Quick post!

Hi there, just a very quick one to share a few details... it's very late and i should call it a day, but i know there are a few of you who are checking in daily to see if there's any news...

So, it seems i used this last week for 'sinking in'... i needed some time to adjust to the news i got from the internist about the treatment i'll be needing! Chemo and immune therapy... we start next Wednesday with the first chemo: 4x every three weeks. Then the second chemo, combined with immune therapy: 12x every week. And then 13x immune therapy every 3 weeks... so, i will be very busy this next year!!! Not something i'm looking forward too, but it needs to be done!

The internist assured me that i won't be super sick and miserable all the time, and that's it's even possible that i might be able to go to work in between the treatments. There's proper medication for a lot the symptoms i might get, so i'll have a good chance that there are also good times to enjoy myself a little these next few month...

At the moment i try not to think ahead, and concentrate on recovering from the surgery! It's going well, but it's a slow process and i need to be patient...  i can't clean my home yet, and grocery shopping is also forbidden, because i'm not allowed to lift anything these next few weeks... oh, and no fancy bra's for me the next three month! But the good news is that i can buy some fancy hats or so soon, if i'm loosing my hair, that is... or maybe i'll buy some anyway, bald or not! I love hats, and look often very sweet with one on the rare occasion i can wear them, so why not, right?!

On a crafty note: the Christmas album (just the cover, no inner pages made yet) is coming together slowly, so hopefully i can show you the result soon! I just stitched some lace and ribbon on a piece of cream colored fabric to cover the album with...

And on a festive note: Sinterklaas is in full swing here, and Stach and i are enjoying it very much! If you want to find out more, check this!

I'll be back soon, with pictures! I'll promise!

Test results...

Finally i can find the time and energy to give you another update about the test results i got last Wednesday.  The tumor is completely removed, and the cancer hasn't spread! So that's very very good news! The tumor was a very nasty one, and 1.8 cm big, so i do need chemotherapy. Next Wednesday i've got another appointment at the hospital to talk about that treatment with the internist-oncologist. 

Somehow i don't feel very relieved just jet that the cancer hasn't spread. My mind is already busy thinking about the next step to fight this disease... to say i'm not looking forward to the chemo is the biggest understatement in the history of the human race!! But i know it is necessary, and hopefully i can find the strength to go through it!

But for now it's still recovery time for me... i've got to focus on getting my strength and health back, because i'm still weak and tired from the surgery. I started today with some relaxation exercises, because my shoulders and torso are still very tense. Man, i looked like a very old women when i tried the first few moves... i laughed and cried at the same time, i felt so clumsy and out of shape! Ah well, it will get better by the day!

And this day was not a bad one! Marsha came to visit, and brought me a lovely My Minds Eye paper kit and the very cute Maya Road kraft envelopes!

I'm thinking of doing a Christmas album like Ali's this year... i love projects like these, especially at the Holiday season, and the thought of  creating it makes me happy already! And this will be a very memorable December month for me and my family, and i think it's a very good idea to capture as much of it on paper as i can. So, this paper kit will be perfect for it! With some older matching X-mas paper from my stash (yes, and maybe some new stuff, if i can make it to the SB store... i would love to do a little shopping in the nearby future...) it will make the perfect base for a nice album!

The rest of  my day was good too: i've got my appetite back, and was able to eat a bunch of healthy things, i went for a little walk, enjoyed my new Sting cd again, had a good nap after lunch, visited my dear fiend Mari, and now i'm sitting cozy in my studio typing this post and listening to the Diva Craft Lounge! And i'm enjoying myself... and feeling normal for a while! And that's very nice!

Well, i'm off now... maybe i can find some materials in my stash that i can use for the Christmas album cover! Feel free to leave a comment! I love to hear from you!

ups and downs...

Yesterday i planned to make pictures of all those flowers i got when i was in hospital and the lovely bouquets i got for my B-day... planned to print them and make a page with all that pinkish delight...

But this morning was busy:  calling my colleagues at work, taking a shower and getting dressed (that takes me like 45 min. at least, now i have to be so careful with moving around), a doctors visit at home,  making sure i got to eat and drink enough... oh, and not to mention taking all my pills on time...  and when i wanted to take my camera out to capture that sea of flowers that is now my living-room , i was too tired...

So i sat on the couch, and started to feel a bit sad and gloomy... worrying about the results of the tests i'm getting Wednesday... feeling so clumsy... hating the fact that i need a lot of help around the house... and i cried for a while... and finally i went to bed to try to get some sleep... and that didn't work out... just too tense to relax...

Ah well, ups and downs... that's how it will be for a while... and i tell myself that that is just oké...

So, that pinkish flower page has to wait... maybe tomorrow will be a better day!

Hope to see you then?

40!!

Hi there, a big hello from the studio! Yes, it's amazing but true... last Tuesday i had the surgery and on Friday i came home! I walked out of the hospital (no help needed) like a diva, with my arms full of flowers. A diva with one real and one fake boob.

And yesterday i celebrated my 40th birthday, with my parents and a few close friends. And i got very spoiled... got a white 19" flat screen tv with build in dvd player for my bedroom, and lot's and lot's of cards and flowers! It looks and smells like a flower shop in our living room right now!

So, from the bottom of my hart: thank you all for your support, warm wishes, and good vibes you're sending me! It seems like the sun literally pours through my letter- or email box every time there's a mail or flower delivery! It means só much to me and my husband, it lifts our spirit and we feel very very blessed with all of you!

Oke, back to the info you all want to know... the surgery went well, but was very tough. Waking up from the anesthesia was hard (the nurses told me that i was very restless and didn't want to lay down, but i can't remember a thing about that) and it took me almost two days to get back on my feet in a way you can call steady. The pain was bearable most of the time and fortunately i didn't need morphine (that can make you sick).  The last two nights sleeping was a problem (could not lay comfortable on my back) but that's going much better now i'm home.

My dear friends lent me a few big pillows (thanks guys!!) and Gerard put one under my mattress. And when i go to sleep he puts a few smaller ones around me for support, and he makes a hot-water bottle to soften the tension in my shoulder. So i lay down every night like a princess! 

I manage to do more and more everyday, with as top result today: making a blog post!

Well, time to go to sleep now! If i can manage i'll be back tomorrow!

Almost D-day...

While listening to George Michaels soft voice on his marvelous cd 'Older', and with D-day around the corner, i've been working this morning i my studio on another page... i'm so glad that i can still set my mind on other things than being ill and that operation that i'm going to have tomorrow!

I've always feared the idea that i would completely lose myself  when i would be confronted with very bad circumstances... well, having breast cancer fits that picture perfect, but as this last week went by i noticed that i'm still 'alive and kicking',  so to speak... not lost at all (so happy about that) and still able to enjoy the things i like...

For the hardcore scrappers among you... yes, it's inspired on one of Donna's art journal pages! This one, to be exact! I liked the painted background and the book text behind that bookplate... my painted background was a bit to strong, so i covered the whole paper canvas with a sheet of vellum, and that was just perfect!

And a page is not finished without a bunch of eyelets and some stitching on it... so there you have it...

For you who wonder how i got through this last week, here's a little update...

I cleaned my whole house, did loads and loads of laundry (so everything is clean), put some new plants on the bedroom balcony (so i have a nice view when i get home after the surgery), i re-decorated my bedroom (we have long cream colored curtains now that match our walls and bedlinen, a few pots and plants, a vintage hook on the door for bathrobes and a ditto etagaire on the dresser to keep everything tidy), had my hair cut and bought some new pj's, a bathrobe and matching slippers (yes Mika, all pink!!) so i can look my best (as far as that goes) in the hospital...

So, that kept me quite occupied, and actually it was nice to make everything a comfortable as possible for this next stage that we're about to enter... this afternoon i'm having a last examination in the hospital. They're going to inject some radio active fluid into the tumor, and that's going to spread through my glands within a few hours. And when that's done they take a few ex-rays, so the surgeon nows which gland he has to take out tomorrow to find out if the cancer has spread. 

Tomorrow morning Gerard's bringing me to the hospital again, at 7 o'clock sharp. At 8.00 i'm going to have the surgery. Oh man, i hope and hope and hope that al goes well, that they can do the reconstruction as planned and that i won't wake up flat! Keep your fingers crossed for me, okay?

We expect that i'll be home on Saturday, my 40th birthday! I definitely want to celebrated that day (not sure to what extend, but well see about that then) and i noticed that there's a gift smuggled in the house already (right under my nose)...

Well, time to get ready for hospital... getting really nervous now!

See you back in a week!

Update...

Time has flown by since my last post... the phone is ringing several times a day, the postman drops cards on my doormat every time he passes our house, several friends payed me a visit, i had several calls from my surgeon, i slept in a few times because i was só very tired all of a sudden, and i scrapped...

The first week after i was diagnosed with breast cancer my head went into overdrive... só many things to worry about, think about, fear about... like i was in some horrified roller coaster ride... so i took out my inks and paints, some paper and canvas, took a snapshot of myself (not a very uplifting one, but it was very honest and 'in the moment') and went to work in the studio...

It's not a typical 'PJ page', but it worked for me... the color red seemed somehow very appropriate to use and that round canvas piece accepted many layers of ink and crackle paint without any protest... 

Even my sewing machine could handle all that red paint... so there it is, all captured on that piece of inked paper... staring me in the face... and i can look at it and worry about it again and again, but also leave it there (for now)... and that's just what i'd hoped for...

Anyway, a few updates... so far my surgeon think chances are good that the cancer has not spread yet to my glands... on October 27th i'm going to have an operation... they will take my 'bad' breast away and do a direct reconstruction (if all goes well) and take out one gland to check if it's clean...  the chances are good that i won't be needing radiotherapy, but it's very likely that i need chemo when i'm recovered from the surgery... just as a precaution because of the size of the tumor etc...  of course there are no guarantees... this is just what the medical team thinks right now... we will know for sure what needs to be done when they've examined the tumor after the surgery...

Tomorrow i'm meeting with one of the special Mama-care nurses who will talk me through the details of the surgery etc. Not something i'm looking forward too...

And on a more personal note... we're doing kind of oké here... the last few days were less stressful than the beginning of the week... my appetite is returning, and Gerard is spoiling me with biological and vega dishes that he prepares specially for me! And we went to Ikea yesterday for some stuff to make our bedroom more cozy... i'm going to spent a lot of time in there soon, so i want it to be a comfortable place... 

Well, time to call it a day, but before i hit the 'publish now' button, i want to thank you all for your kind comments and emails! It's so good to know that you care and think about me... that really get's me trough the day!!!

Where to begin...

Well, of course the reason for this post is you... the reader of this blog.

For you who stop by here,  it must have been a disappointing visit these last few weeks... not much action on 'Life and Scrapping'... even more because i started very enthusiastically on Shimelles 'Learn something new every day' class, and maybe you were hoping to see more pages than the few i posted.  I did manage to make many more, but they did not make it to the blog...

At first i was just to busy keeping on track with the class, and couldn't find the time to photograph and post my pages... but after a week or so i found myself not feeling well... my breasts felt uncomfortable and the glands in my armpits hurt... soon after i detected a little spot in my right breast that felt a bit sore... well, by now you've guessed already where this is going to: a week ago i was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

Bad news, shocking, but not totally unexpected, to be honest...

Somehow i've thought about this all my life. My mother had it too, when i was very young... (she didn't survive, but it was detected very late.) And i carried that with me as long as i can remember... i could not imagine that i wouldn't get breast cancer too...

Well, that moment has come... and i'm scared, and confused... and waiting to hear what's the best way to treat this... finding out how to handle this... and fighting it...

I hope i can manage to scrap about this, because i've found out before that it's  very therapeutic to put my thoughts, day to day worries or every day life creatively down on paper... so maybe the next few post will not be that fun to read... but i hope that you stay with me...